He’s SO big in my belly now, and when I sit crosslegged, it feels like he’s actually sitting in my lap. So much weight in the front! The doctor estimated that he’ll be 7.5-8lbs at the time of birth. Clive and I (and maybe the rest of the family) will be betting on how much he weighs.

I’ve somehow spent $3500 in the past month. A new mattress, a damage deposit, first month’s rent, misc furniture and household stuff, paint and paint supplies, car insurance/oil change/license plates, the stroller and car seat… the list goes on. It’s incredible how fast my bank account has dwindled. And thanks to my employers taking a full month to send me my Record of Employment, I couldn’t claim Maternity Leave until recently, which means I won’t be getting that payment until the end of the month. I hope Clive can soon take on some financial responsibilty because so far he’s only paid for a little bit of gas and $100 worth of start up groceries. Sigh.

Overnight my nipples have doubled in size. I don’t know what the hell has happened, but I’m guessing it’s only another stage in getting ready for this little guy to be born. They got darker a long time ago, but now the actual nipples are huge. I don’t like these boob changes I’ve been having!

Yesterday, at 38.5 weeks, we did a belly cast! So much fun. I’m very glad we did it… I’d really regret it if we didn’t.

Tonight we take the tour of the hospital where I’ll be giving birth. I can’t wait!

And I’ve managed to find a Doula who’s interested in bartering my web development skills for her services during and after the labour/birth! I’m so happy!

Not anymore.

I think my favorite pregnancy belly-shot picture is this one, at a mere 15 weeks. I’d just started to show, and I think the tiny bump is very, very cute. To most people, I probably don’t even look pregnant- but I know my shape, and I’m definitely pregnant in this picture.

Last night, I looked like this:

I admit, though, that I do like my pregnant shape. I always have. Because my baby hasn’t dropped yet, I still have a “perky” belly. There’s not a lot of extra flab, so I wear tight shirts all the time and I’m not ashamed of anything. There are bad pregnant bellies, believe it or not, and I’m glad I don’t have one of those. I sound absolutely terrible and judgmental, and for that I apologize, but it’s the truth.

If I don’t get my stomach back, that’s okay. I knew that there was a very good possibility of me being riddled with stretch marks (I got LOTS and LOTS of them on my hips and inner thighs when I went through puberty, so I know I was likely to get them), which really was upsetting, as it is to lots of women. There are some women out there, on the other hand, who wear them like battle wounds- who are proud of them, and I admire that outlook, but it is not mine.

I’ve daily lathered myself up with one or more of: Palmer’s Cocoa Butter, Shea Butter salves from Carrot Tree Soaps, pure Shea Butter from a West African at a market in London, ON and Vitamin E gel. I haven’t gotten any stretch marks (knock on wood, as I know there’s still about two weeks left and I can still get them- or I can get them easily after the baby is born!). I mostly attribute the lack of stretch marks to the fact that I’ve kept myself very hydrated the entire pregnancy. I make it a point to drink at LEAST 2L of water every day.

I’m amazed I’ve gotten this far unscathed. Thrilled, even.

The best part of the lotions is that my baby gets a back rub when I lather myself up every night. He tosses and turns and stretches out his legs. I wonder if it feels nice or if he is trying to get away from me? I pretend he’s enjoying every minute of it.

—

Clive and I went to the IWK yesterday for our first prenatal appointment in Halifax. I met with Dr. Archibald, who we LOVE LOVE LOVE, thank god! The four doctors I met with in my hometown were terrible, uninformative, and I was missing my midwife more than ever.

At my last appointment, I met with a nurse (who claimed she used to be a midwife in the UK) who thought that I was a moron for wanting to wait to cut the cord until it stops pulsating, which- if you do ANY amount of research (even unbiased research on Google like “when to cut the umbilical cord”, you’re met with “waiting is best” “waiting improves baby’s health”. She basically told me that I wouldn’t be able to hold my baby immediately because if I wanted to wait to clamp and cut the cord, I’d have to have the baby lower than the placenta. She was clearly an idiot, and it turned me off giving birth in that hospital even more.

Dr. Archibald is extremely upbeat, young, a mother of a 2.5 and 4 year old, and told me that she believes – personally AND professionally – in a lot of the things that I want to happen during my labour. She was nothing but positive about my wishes to have an unmedicated birth, skin-to-skin contact immediately, waiting a minute or two to cut the cord, have Clive catch the baby and then when it’s time, cut the cord, to see the placenta, to not have an episiotomy and be able to labour AND give birth in whatever position was best for me. I’ve heard wonderful things about the doctors and nurses at the IWK, and I’m so happy to say that they’ve lived up to everything I’ve heard. Thank god, because I really was starting to get worried.

—

I’ve gained 34 lbs this pregnancy. I’m still satisfied with that amount, considering how bloated I feel lately from being so active and having to unpack our belongings and set up our apartment. I feel that these last five pounds must all be water weight, because by the end of the day it feels like I’m walking on hot water bottles- even though I don’t actually LOOK all that swollen.

—

With time winding down, Clive and I have a few more things we need to accomplish (ahem, like getting a couch). Today we’re off to buy a preemie outfit to bring the baby home from the hospital in, to buy paint for two of the rooms in our house (our kitchen and our bedroom), and hopefully we’ll put together our stroller and MAYBE install the car seat. Or at least the car seat base. I’d also like to start packing my hospital bag, and buy anything that I need to while we’re out today. I’m so tired of shopping now- it’s getting very, very expensive.

We went shopping yesterday and I found king sized sheets for $5 each, which is a phenomenal price. I wanted to buy something that I didn’t mind ruining with post-partum bleeding, breast milk leaks or explosive new-baby poops while we get used to having to change diapers properly. I also bought a vinyl shower curtain in place of a mattress cover because I can’t find a king-sized mattress cover to save my life. I would hate to see my bedding and mattress be ruined within a month of spending $600 on them.

—

Clive’s starting a new job on Tuesday. He had three job interviews on Thursday, and I guess he did really well on all of them. He had the interview for the BIG job here in the city, which we NEED him to get (it’s the one that would take him out of the country for training), because it pays very well. He was called back for a second interview after being told two weeks ago that he didn’t get the job (this was really sad, because we both really wanted him to get the job and it’s in a town two hours away from here- so we’d have to move if he was to take the job- which I don’t think he or I are up for, or legally able to because of our lease), and for a call center that he’ll be starting at on Tuesday and promptly quitting as soon as he gets my call that I’m in labour.

He has another interview on Friday for a really great job that’s in another town about an hour away. We’d love for him to get this job, but the commute is sucky, so I’m not sure how that would go. At least he’s getting interviews now!

—

I have 13 days until my EDD and I’m feeling fine. Much better than I have in the past month. I’m still enjoying my time alone with Clive and without a crying baby. Some days I still get really, really scared that I won’t like being a mother and I will desperately want to time travel back to a different point in my life where it’s just me and I’ve got nothing tying me down. These feelings can all change in an instant just by seeing a picture of a new baby, or even worse, an actual baby. Sometimes my own baby can make me change my way of thinking by moving his foot so I can see it on the outside.

Though I know deep down that becoming a mother will be the greatest thing I’ve ever done, I’m still scared out of my mind 50% of the time. Please tell me that’s normal.

My blood pressure has risen since last week, which she says is good. I’ve gained another two pounds, putting me at 160lbs, and making my total weight gain 22lbs at 30 weeks. I’m supposed to gain one pound a week during my third trimester, so if I’m able to keep my weight gain to about 35lbs (could I be so lucky?), I would be very happy with that. Especially since I’m still not exercising. I will be more active in my last few weeks of pregnancy (or so is the plan), because I won’t be working and I will be moving into a new home and decorating/painting/nesting. That should burn off some calories that I don’t need.

The baby’s heartbeat is in the 130s, which is also normal. He’s head up right now, which she said is fine for the next couple of weeks- but we definitely want him head down by 34 weeks. He still flip flops around a lot, so I’m not worried.

I spoke to her about the lack of swift kicks, and told her that it’s general movements, and she said it’s normal. I figured it was, now that he’s becoming more and more cramped in there. My uterus is measuring 30 weeks, which, according to this website, means, “Measuring from your bellybutton, your uterus is about 4 inches (10cm) above it. From the pubic symphysis, the top of your uterus measures about 12 inches (30cm).”

***

Last night was the first time the baby got under my ribs. I’m not sure if it was a foot or a hand or what it was, but my god, it hurt. He stayed wedged under there for an hour or so, and I had to lay down on my side and shake my belly (we were at a friend’s house, no less), in order to get him unwedged. I also tried walking around and jumping up and down, which didn’t seem to help. I just wanted to rip open my ribcage, un-stick him, and put myself back together. It was extremely painful, and even more so frustrating, because it seemed hopeless- even though he is inside of me and I am growing him, he’s got a mind of his own, and it is one that I cannot control.

***

I believe this picture makes me look bigger than I actually am. Or maybe I’m in denial.

Editing this video made me realize just how lucky I am to have the ability to grow and carry a child inside of my body. Recently he’s stopped kicking so much, and I feel him actually shift around. Clive and I agree that these subtle movements, which feel much stronger from the outside, make the reality of the situation that much stronger. It truly is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever experienced.

Oh, and here’s a short clip of his movements- though they’re not very strong on video, I can feel nearly everything he does.

Clive and I ventured out of the city yesterday in search of a good place to go fishing. We didn’t end up at the lake we wanted to, but we had a great time exploring anyway. If I had to live in London again (god forbid), I’d definitely want to live 10 minutes outside of city limits, because it’s all really beautiful farm country.

I really like the size my belly is recently- not too big and not too small, and wanted to take some portraits. Yesterday ended up being perfect for it, and Clive did a great job. We’re still going to take at least another series (nudes, likely) within the next couple of weeks, but I like these as well. The dress I’m wearing is big and drab (but oh-so-comfortable), but my surroundings are perfect.

(Note: You can see the full set here.)

As far as I can tell, Flickr is an all-or-nothing deal: you can either block EVERYONE (except your contacts) from seeing your photos, or NO ONE. I think this is terrible: if I want to block certain people from seeing my photos, I should have the ability. If I’m wrong about this, will you please let me know? Thank you, land of the internet, for you have solved my problem!

What surprises me most is that my most viewed image is one where I’m fully clothed! My most popular images (by views alone) are ranked as follows: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. For the longest time, the one of me fishing in heels was the most popular one, and now it’s in third place.